Reflecting

I know I am in the minority, but I never really set goals for my life. I did in a sense, in that I always knew I wanted to have a family. I finished school as quickly as I possibly could, but never really felt like it was leading me toward something in particular. I suppose you could say I was there for the MRS. which I got (and love, by the way). But I never knew what I wanted to do when I grew up (and still really don't). Over the past year, I've come to realize that while I love my kids and my husband, I don't think this is all that I'm meant to do. The problem is, I still don't really know what it is I should be doing. I enjoy teaching for the most part and when I look at the perks (part-time, summers off, home with my kids when they are off), but at times I still feel like something is missing (decent pay, a feeling of accomplishment, pride). But then I start to think if I go back to school for a graduate degree, am I committing myself to working full-time, and if so, for how long? And what does that mean for my kids? I'm not saying that it's wrong for moms to work full-time, I just don't know that I'm cut out for that. I think in a way I feel like I will miss something or that my kids will miss out on opportunities. Then there's the other part of me that feels like they will miss out on opportunities because of my choice to stay home and the financial ramifications of that. And along with that goes my thinking that if I am going to bother working full-time, I'm going to want to be compensated well for giving up my time with my kids (not to mention the great tan that I have this summer from the many hours at the pool). So those are my thoughts on this Monday evening. That and how in the world would we ever pay for me to go to graduate school? Ugh, details...